Dr. Balone

Grandpa was well known for his work at Zurich Insurance, his speeches on holidays, his stinginess regarding things that could be obtained without purchase, like napkins and ketchup, his sometimes convoluted but always fun games at Christmas, and for being an all around good man, and father, and grandfather.

Less known to many is his storied medical career. Whenever Grandpa was watching us when we were kids, he would attend to any of our expected bumps, bruises, and scrapes as the illustrious and seemingly Italian Dr. Balone (possibly Balogne - I never really saw it in writing.)

"Come on over and let Dr. Balone take a look at it."

Dr. Balone was a competent and caring physician to each of us that encountered him. He even deftly applied a butterfly strip to little Eric's eyebrow after I, to my eight-year-old horror, smashed him in the face with a doorknob up at the Condo. In the end, I suppose this is less about words of wisdom, and more about remembering a softer side of Gramps that we didn't always get to see. Thanks for patching us up when we needed it, Doc.

-Matt

Washing walls, painting walls, and my mentor

Ben Benrus - 'Wash walls from the bottom up... paint walls from the top down." Truly words of wisdom though I can't say I have washed any walls in recent history.  If you have kids with dirty hands (which is all kids... especially Eric) it's a nice alternative (and almost free) to painting!  If you wash from the top down and let clean soapy water run down a dirty wall, the tracks of the water 'clean the dirty wall' below and it's hard to make those tracks go away by washing it afterward.  Try it!  Well don't try it cuz it really is hard to clean the wall so you can't see the tracks.  If you wash from the bottom up, soapy water running down a clean wall leaves no tracks!  No fuss, no muss... just wipe away the excess water with your sponge.  Man, we washed walls a lot when we were kids.  Dad really knew how to supervise. :-)

When you paint, paint the ceiling first.  Get all of your roller spatter out of the way... it's going to hit your walls... unavoidable.  Then 'cut in' on your walls with the wall color of choice using a nice angled brush... slow and steady.  Haste makes waste when cutting in... patience makes a nice straight line.  Then roll the wall top to bottom.  If paint runs, it's always below where you started so you pick it up with the roller... paint doesn't defy gravity and spatter upward on your ceiling when you roll. :-)

Dad was not a master of home care or home improvement but great leaders surround themselves with the best... and Dad was a great leader.  One of Dad's Uncles (I think this one was through marriage, not blood... whatever) was a great man named Roman Kane.  For whatever reason we knew him as 'Mr. Roman'.  That's what we called him...  'Mr. Roman'.  Mr. Roman knew how to do and fix anything and everything... including building our screened-in-porch on Candota in Mount Prospect.  He was the Handyman's Handyman.  A heavy smoking, hard working, great, great man.  He taught me so many things over the years and is the reason I have been fearless about taking on projects in life; throughout life... without 'shutting off the circuit breaker' (I do NOT recommend NOT shutting off the circuit breaker!!!  Though I am pretty certain Jim plays with live wires... he needs to stop that.  Jenni, please talk to him.). 

Thank you, Mr. Roman...  you always were and still are my courage to take on anything.  I wish you knew that.  I am still proudly and humbly working to pass on your legacy. 

The Value of Generic Names

Dad taught us some great things over the years not the least of which was how to get someone's attention utilizing a generic name.  It took me many years to realize that there WEREN'T a lot of people in the world named 'Doc', 'Dolly' or 'Susie'.  This was just Dad's way of being on a first name basis with everyone on the planet.  If you were a man, your name was Doc.  If you were a woman, your name was Dolly... or occasionally Susie.  Back in the day at the gas station you could ask Doc to check your oil while he was pumping your gas... "Hey Doc, check the oil!"  If you wanted to clarify your breakfast order in a restaurant you could just tell Dolly what you wanted.  "Hey Dolly, leave my eggs a little loose."  or 'Hey Dolly, tell Doc to leave my eggs a little loose."  That one always drove me nuts.  Who wants their eggs 'a little loose'??? What exactly does that mean??  'Hey Dolly, leave my eggs a little undercooked with the whites still translucent.  I like a little live salmonella... it helps the yolk stick to my toast.'

For many years now we've had a saying in our house because of Dad's breakfast order.  If you want something loose or something is loose you say; 'I like my [fill in the blank] the way Grandpa likes his eggs.  Leave it a little loose.'  I don't recall ever having the nerve to use 'Doc' and I know I would be afraid to use 'Dolly'... but it's fun to think about Dad doing it.  The Mt. Prospect Benri all know Doc and Dolly.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!!!! We all love and miss you!

This was two days after Dad's 85th birthday - 3/18/2012  

Eric has always been the biggest risk taker of the LZ Benri Clan.  That's important to know for this story. We were on a trip out west and having breakfast at a McDonald's on the southern tip of The Great Salt Lake in Utah. I have a little bit of an OCD problem having to keep tables tidy (before, during and after meals) in fast food places so during a meal items ready for the trash aren't usually on the table long.

Eric had ordered flapjacks for breakfast and was apparently done eating since he closed his styrofoam container and moved it to a tray collecting garbage.  When I got ready to dispose of the container I noticed it was still quite heavy!!  I opened it and found at least an entire uneaten pancake... I was instantly unhappy to be throwing food away.  I think I already mentioned that we are an extremely sarcastic clan so I immediately (angrily) declared "Fortunately these were free!" Eric, sensing a great opportunity to be a smart-ass grabbed the remainder of the pancakes and over the next 15-20 seconds jammed EVERYTHING into his mouth.  I quickly glanced around the restaurant to see how many potential murder witnesses were in the place as my head was about ready to explode.  I looked back at Eric with pancake chunks falling out of his mouth and he just looked me in the eye and (barely audibly) said  "You're McFurious."


Nowadays ANYTIME anything goes to waste someone in the clan will say... "Fortunately these were free."  

Larry - "Puke Piece" The LZ Benrus Clan pizza eating rule.  Eat pizza until you feel like you're going to puke... then eat one more piece.  That last piece is known as your 'puke piece'.  This is how we used to put down 2 - 16" pizzas AND 2 - 14" pizzas with just the 5 of us and Dad up at Sperino's (Dad was always good for 3 pieces of sausage and green pepper).  If you ask someone about their pizza consumption during a Benrus Clan pizza meal you are liable to hear someone say 'This is my puke piece.'  This is the signal that they are on their last piece. 

of course you all know what I'm talkin' 'bout!!!!!

SEE YOU NEXT WEEKEND!!!!!!  Let's all have a puke piece!!!!!

Some little Eric, and a little grown-up Larry

This video is essentially a holy grail of laughs for the LZ Benrus clan. It is from June 9th, 1988, as Eric opens presents for his 5th birthday. I'll list the most popular quotes from this short clip below. Largely forgotten for nearly two decades, Eric, Carley and I rediscovered the video during a post-holiday (Thanksgiving or Christmas) drinking session. Hilarity ensued.

Eric - "I am happy.... I'm so happy." The key to this one is the pause between the two phrases, and the complete lack of inflection on the second phrase. Used whenever the speaker is not actually happy about the situation.

Eric - "Socks! Socks! I can't believe I got socks!" Anytime you get socks. Or something that looks like socks. Shout it out! I believe the actual gift was a pair of suspenders that Eric was quite taken with during a trip to K-Mart or Venture with my mom.

Larry - "Say hi, Carleeeee" You may have nearly missed this one in the video, but throughout the 1988-1994 history of family videos, Larry utters this phrase nearly 2,000 times. Say it to Carley any time now, and she'll know exactly what you're talking about.

My favorite quote in this video is Larry's "Those were a big hit..." It sums up the oddities of parenthood that I am only now beginning to understand.

-Matt

Lenny - As a correction for Grandpa's superfluous use of "the good kind" Lenny will now instruct others to "buy the most expensive one they have".   

Matt and Eric - Upon this instruction (also a time I was being moved into school) to pick up "the most expensive" surge protector available for plugging in my computer the boys returned with both "the good kind" (hidden) and openly displayed the 49¢ WORST kind AC plug adapter (the kind that merely provides you with an extra set or two of holes) and wrote 600 joules on it.

Lenny - Furthermore...upon misplacement of any small item or consumable (I've heard it in relation to letter openers and plastic clothing hangers) Lenny will alert the troops to "buy 100" of something.  e.g. "I want you to go to the store and buy 100 letter openers!"

Gandmar - "You're lesbos with Marv" During a rare argument between Mom and Dad where the disagreement was about Aunt Vicky Taylor; Mom took a stab at getting back at Dad about his friend Marv Johnson...
Dad - "Blah, blah, blah... and I think you're lesbos with Vicky."
Mom - "Yeah... well I think you're lesbos with Marv!" 

A couple of ideas from Matt, more to come...

Gandpar - "I have a guy..."

Used primarily in response to someone that requires technical expertise, especially when the person responding can provide the expertise in question. It comes from the infamous "Grandpa's Harem" photo, where Carley was photoshopped in by Grandpa's "guy." 

Larry - "You're very much!"

When we were moving Carley into her dorm at U of I, Larry stopped and held the door for a student carrying some of his stuff. The student, impressed with Larry's kindness said "Thank you very much." Rather than the universally accepted "You're welcome," Larry opted for the much less common "You're very much!" The biggest mistake, perhaps, was coming back to the dorm and telling the rest of us about it, because we've never stopped making fun of him for it.

Larry - "... rooned"

Synonym for ruined. Used when something is or will be broken by the actions of the user. First used when Larry bought Matt and Eric an adjustable basketball hoop in the early 90's. "Don't hang on the rim, or the warranty is rooned."

Gandpar - "That's the good kind." When Dad thought something was of very high quality he referred to it as 'the good kind'.  I know there was more than one time I called him out on his claim of something being 'the good kind' when clearly it was not.  Anyhow... we laugh and say "that's the good kind" all the time.  Probably most often when something breaks.

Gandpar - "That's just like Downtown".  Not sure where Dad got this one but when something goes really smoothly, fits just right, happens without a hitch... you say "That's just like Downtown."  We laugh and say it so often now working on projects and cars that the boys and I just say "Wow...that reminds me of someplace... I can't remember where... but it's someplace... aghhhh, what is that place?'.

Gandpar - Your're burning up the tube!  Watching anything on TV other than Lawrence Welk, Dean Martin, or Carol Burnett was considered a waste of the giant CRT (Cathode Ray Tube) that used to be television.  I JUST turned off the flat screen LCD in Carley's room and she got mad that I was turning it off (even though she was turned away from the TV and half asleep).   I said 'You're burning up the tube!'.  Dad would have been proud :-)

Benrus Family Words of Wisdom

First Post... I think... here's a starter set... I listed the person who 'owns' the quote, followed by the quote... and then the short story.

Possibly the most used Grandpa (affectionately known as Gandpar in our house) phrase of all time...
Gandpar - 'If you play your cards right, you'll never pay for... again.'
Grandpa would take every advantage to get supplies for free.  Napkins, salt, pepper, ketchup packets, soy sauce, etc.  On Candota I don't ever recall seeing a napkin that wasn't from Burger King.  Anytime we see something for 'free' we use the Grandpa phrase that pays... 'If you play your cards right...'

Gandpar - 'Hot Seeds'
Known to the rest of the world as the spice crushed red pepper.  Gandpar always said 'Gimme the hot seeds'.  We say 'hot seeds' in restaurants and at home all the time. We have friends who NEVER say crushed red pepper... only 'hot seeds'.

Gandpar - 'If you're looking for a 'regular fry'... don't go there.' 
Gandpar talking about a Lake Geneva restaurant named CLAWS.  He was telling us about a new kind of french fry which was the only fry they offered.  It was a waffle fry which dad hadn't seen before.  He was encouraging us to go there... but not if we were looking for a regular fry.

Larry - 'If you can't eat it, eat it anyway.'
Not sure about the origin here but it probably had to do with not wasting food.  One of my kids can probably fill in the blanks.  I think it was Eric who used this phrase as his Senior year high school words of wisdom in the Lake Zurich High School Yearbook. 

 

Benrus Family Words of Wisdom... begins

Family,

The Lake Zurich Clan of the Benri use phrases on a daily basis that will live for generations to come.  The origin of many of these phrases can be traced back to our late but never forgotten family leader 'Bernard The Great'.  This blog is intended to be a collection of Benrus Family Words of Wisdom...  attributable not only to Ben... but to ANYONE in the family.  These are phrases we can share for years to come... as well as the stories that go along with them!

Carley and I have been looking for a way to capture all of our favorite 'Grandpa' phrases that we use on a daily basis.  Many of these phrases have been shared with friends over the years and now Ben The Great's phrases are even living on in other families!!!

Post all you can think of... share the stories too!!!