Washing walls, painting walls, and my mentor

Ben Benrus - 'Wash walls from the bottom up... paint walls from the top down." Truly words of wisdom though I can't say I have washed any walls in recent history.  If you have kids with dirty hands (which is all kids... especially Eric) it's a nice alternative (and almost free) to painting!  If you wash from the top down and let clean soapy water run down a dirty wall, the tracks of the water 'clean the dirty wall' below and it's hard to make those tracks go away by washing it afterward.  Try it!  Well don't try it cuz it really is hard to clean the wall so you can't see the tracks.  If you wash from the bottom up, soapy water running down a clean wall leaves no tracks!  No fuss, no muss... just wipe away the excess water with your sponge.  Man, we washed walls a lot when we were kids.  Dad really knew how to supervise. :-)

When you paint, paint the ceiling first.  Get all of your roller spatter out of the way... it's going to hit your walls... unavoidable.  Then 'cut in' on your walls with the wall color of choice using a nice angled brush... slow and steady.  Haste makes waste when cutting in... patience makes a nice straight line.  Then roll the wall top to bottom.  If paint runs, it's always below where you started so you pick it up with the roller... paint doesn't defy gravity and spatter upward on your ceiling when you roll. :-)

Dad was not a master of home care or home improvement but great leaders surround themselves with the best... and Dad was a great leader.  One of Dad's Uncles (I think this one was through marriage, not blood... whatever) was a great man named Roman Kane.  For whatever reason we knew him as 'Mr. Roman'.  That's what we called him...  'Mr. Roman'.  Mr. Roman knew how to do and fix anything and everything... including building our screened-in-porch on Candota in Mount Prospect.  He was the Handyman's Handyman.  A heavy smoking, hard working, great, great man.  He taught me so many things over the years and is the reason I have been fearless about taking on projects in life; throughout life... without 'shutting off the circuit breaker' (I do NOT recommend NOT shutting off the circuit breaker!!!  Though I am pretty certain Jim plays with live wires... he needs to stop that.  Jenni, please talk to him.). 

Thank you, Mr. Roman...  you always were and still are my courage to take on anything.  I wish you knew that.  I am still proudly and humbly working to pass on your legacy. 

The Value of Generic Names

Dad taught us some great things over the years not the least of which was how to get someone's attention utilizing a generic name.  It took me many years to realize that there WEREN'T a lot of people in the world named 'Doc', 'Dolly' or 'Susie'.  This was just Dad's way of being on a first name basis with everyone on the planet.  If you were a man, your name was Doc.  If you were a woman, your name was Dolly... or occasionally Susie.  Back in the day at the gas station you could ask Doc to check your oil while he was pumping your gas... "Hey Doc, check the oil!"  If you wanted to clarify your breakfast order in a restaurant you could just tell Dolly what you wanted.  "Hey Dolly, leave my eggs a little loose."  or 'Hey Dolly, tell Doc to leave my eggs a little loose."  That one always drove me nuts.  Who wants their eggs 'a little loose'??? What exactly does that mean??  'Hey Dolly, leave my eggs a little undercooked with the whites still translucent.  I like a little live salmonella... it helps the yolk stick to my toast.'

For many years now we've had a saying in our house because of Dad's breakfast order.  If you want something loose or something is loose you say; 'I like my [fill in the blank] the way Grandpa likes his eggs.  Leave it a little loose.'  I don't recall ever having the nerve to use 'Doc' and I know I would be afraid to use 'Dolly'... but it's fun to think about Dad doing it.  The Mt. Prospect Benri all know Doc and Dolly.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!!!! We all love and miss you!

This was two days after Dad's 85th birthday - 3/18/2012  

Eric has always been the biggest risk taker of the LZ Benri Clan.  That's important to know for this story. We were on a trip out west and having breakfast at a McDonald's on the southern tip of The Great Salt Lake in Utah. I have a little bit of an OCD problem having to keep tables tidy (before, during and after meals) in fast food places so during a meal items ready for the trash aren't usually on the table long.

Eric had ordered flapjacks for breakfast and was apparently done eating since he closed his styrofoam container and moved it to a tray collecting garbage.  When I got ready to dispose of the container I noticed it was still quite heavy!!  I opened it and found at least an entire uneaten pancake... I was instantly unhappy to be throwing food away.  I think I already mentioned that we are an extremely sarcastic clan so I immediately (angrily) declared "Fortunately these were free!" Eric, sensing a great opportunity to be a smart-ass grabbed the remainder of the pancakes and over the next 15-20 seconds jammed EVERYTHING into his mouth.  I quickly glanced around the restaurant to see how many potential murder witnesses were in the place as my head was about ready to explode.  I looked back at Eric with pancake chunks falling out of his mouth and he just looked me in the eye and (barely audibly) said  "You're McFurious."


Nowadays ANYTIME anything goes to waste someone in the clan will say... "Fortunately these were free."  

Larry - "Puke Piece" The LZ Benrus Clan pizza eating rule.  Eat pizza until you feel like you're going to puke... then eat one more piece.  That last piece is known as your 'puke piece'.  This is how we used to put down 2 - 16" pizzas AND 2 - 14" pizzas with just the 5 of us and Dad up at Sperino's (Dad was always good for 3 pieces of sausage and green pepper).  If you ask someone about their pizza consumption during a Benrus Clan pizza meal you are liable to hear someone say 'This is my puke piece.'  This is the signal that they are on their last piece. 

of course you all know what I'm talkin' 'bout!!!!!

SEE YOU NEXT WEEKEND!!!!!!  Let's all have a puke piece!!!!!

Some little Eric, and a little grown-up Larry

This video is essentially a holy grail of laughs for the LZ Benrus clan. It is from June 9th, 1988, as Eric opens presents for his 5th birthday. I'll list the most popular quotes from this short clip below. Largely forgotten for nearly two decades, Eric, Carley and I rediscovered the video during a post-holiday (Thanksgiving or Christmas) drinking session. Hilarity ensued.

Eric - "I am happy.... I'm so happy." The key to this one is the pause between the two phrases, and the complete lack of inflection on the second phrase. Used whenever the speaker is not actually happy about the situation.

Eric - "Socks! Socks! I can't believe I got socks!" Anytime you get socks. Or something that looks like socks. Shout it out! I believe the actual gift was a pair of suspenders that Eric was quite taken with during a trip to K-Mart or Venture with my mom.

Larry - "Say hi, Carleeeee" You may have nearly missed this one in the video, but throughout the 1988-1994 history of family videos, Larry utters this phrase nearly 2,000 times. Say it to Carley any time now, and she'll know exactly what you're talking about.

My favorite quote in this video is Larry's "Those were a big hit..." It sums up the oddities of parenthood that I am only now beginning to understand.

-Matt

Lenny - As a correction for Grandpa's superfluous use of "the good kind" Lenny will now instruct others to "buy the most expensive one they have".   

Matt and Eric - Upon this instruction (also a time I was being moved into school) to pick up "the most expensive" surge protector available for plugging in my computer the boys returned with both "the good kind" (hidden) and openly displayed the 49¢ WORST kind AC plug adapter (the kind that merely provides you with an extra set or two of holes) and wrote 600 joules on it.

Lenny - Furthermore...upon misplacement of any small item or consumable (I've heard it in relation to letter openers and plastic clothing hangers) Lenny will alert the troops to "buy 100" of something.  e.g. "I want you to go to the store and buy 100 letter openers!"